My kink years are categorized as before ADD meds
and after ADD meds
because the differences are very clear to me.
Before being medically treated for ADD, it was impossible for me to understand the concept of making a connection as part of my kink play. My behavior was similar to ordering off a menu, so to speak. Yet, the more I ordered, the more frustrating my sessions. While generally I got what I ordered, the results were less than satisfying and I was missing out on the creative and dynamic aspects of professional sessions. Put another way, I was always waiting for that next session to be the magical session of my dreams. In addition, it is fair to say that I was not adding my energy to a session - just taking whatever energy was offered. I must have been a real drag.
Immediately after beginning medication, just about every facet of my life changed, mostly for the better. Besides lifting the life long "cloud over my head", I could clearly see that my kink play needed to change from ordering off the menu
to getting on the roller coaster
. Within two sessions, I found myself enjoying, it not yearning, for the stress relief aspect. I slowly learned to give into the experiences produced by others, with the understanding that, in general, once I got onto the roller coaster there was no getting off until the ride was over. Sure, I have my likes and dislikes, but beyond that I now enjoy leaving the driving to someone else. And, most importantly, at the end of a session I enjoy feeling that I have done my part to participate and provide my energy into the overall experience.
In a nutshell, before meds I was taking but not giving - and I was clueless to boot. After meds, I have been taking and giving - and I feel comfortable with my contributions to each experience.
Or, maybe the meds are just making me think things are better!