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#3822 - 09/02/14 08:08 PM Re: Another Update And Thanks [Re: Soapy]
Ms Regan Black Offline
www.MsReganBlack.com


Registered: 10/29/12
Posts: 817
Loc: New York City / Buffalo

Hi, Soapy-

Am very sorry about your dad.
It's difficult for a complex relationship to end without that final closure, as so much remains open and unanswered for you.
I do hope you find solace and answers in your own time. You are always welcome to drop me a line anytime.

-MRB
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#3857 - 09/07/14 08:34 AM Re: Another Update And Thanks [Re: Soapy]
Soapy Offline


Registered: 02/04/13
Posts: 433
Loc: USA,USA
Thank you Regan,

That is very kind of you.

The funeral was yesterday. My sleep problems got worse two nights before.

Driving home, I felt an odd relation come out of nowhere.

I ended up getting a lot of sleep.

I don't know how that happened and I hope it will last, but I am happy to accept the gift either way.

A few people told me that the ceremonial closure of funeral helps takes the edge off for some people, maybe that is it.
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#3858 - 09/07/14 08:42 AM Update 3 [Re: Soapy]
Soapy Offline


Registered: 02/04/13
Posts: 433
Loc: USA,USA
My father's funeral was yesterday.

It was an interesting experience in many ways and it gave me a lot of food for thought. My father was a very private man. Even the people he had arranged to speak for him said that yesterday. His life during his second marriage was kept separate, mostly, from his life during his marriage to my mother (deceased).

I'm thinking of looking up some of the people at the funeral to talk to them about my father and get more of an idea of who he was.

It was an emotional day and I was scared of going home alone in the evening.

My sleeping got a little worse two days before, even with a temporary medication I have been on for my sleep issues.

Strangely, on the drive home from the funeral a mysterious relaxation started happening to me.

I ended up halving the dose of the med and I slept from 11pm to 8am. Quite huge compared to what I've been getting.

Some people told me that the ceremonial closure of a funeral decreases a little bit of the stress for some people. Maybe it was that or exhaustion. I have no idea. I'm just glad to have received the gift.

Thanks again for all of the supportful messages, those messages really helped.
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#3872 - 09/11/14 06:17 PM Re: Update 3 [Re: Soapy]
Aarkey Offline


Registered: 02/09/13
Posts: 149
Loc: South Florida
Originally Posted By: Soapy
Strangely, on the drive home from the funeral a mysterious relaxation started happening to me. I slept from 11pm to 8am. Quite huge compared to what I've been getting.

Some people told me that the ceremonial closure of a funeral decreases a little bit of the stress for some people. Maybe it was that or exhaustion. I have no idea. I'm just glad to have received the gift.


Sorry for your loss. I hope you've been able to get some decent sleep and that you are finding peace.
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#3874 - 09/11/14 08:25 PM Re: Update 3 [Re: Aarkey]
Soapy Offline


Registered: 02/04/13
Posts: 433
Loc: USA,USA
Thanks Aarkey.

I learned that there is a brief internment ceremony for his ashes. That and returning to work has me a bit edgy. Thankfully the ceremony is only about a week away.

Again, thanks for the thoughts.

All of the well wishes on this board have helped.
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"Violent opining on a bdsm board has solved surprisingly few geopolitical issues."

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#3875 - 09/11/14 10:31 PM Re: Update 3 [Re: Soapy]
Ms Regan Black Offline
www.MsReganBlack.com


Registered: 10/29/12
Posts: 817
Loc: New York City / Buffalo

Hi, Soapy-

I would guess it was a combination of both.

It isn't always total closure with a private person, as there is so much information you don't know, which, of course leads to more questions. Those questions, even if you are not always conscious of them, are still percolating in your brain. That may be what was affecting your sleep. Getting at least some answers to those percolating questions calmed your mind.

Not to mention, not getting enough sleep does indeed lead to exhaustion.

I hope things will be improving for you and have a feeling they certainly will!

Best Wishes
-MRB
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#3882 - 09/12/14 11:27 PM Re: Update 3 [Re: Soapy]
Soapy Offline


Registered: 02/04/13
Posts: 433
Loc: USA,USA
I started back at work Tuesday.

I think you are right about the exhaustion part. I can feel almost normal in the afternoon, but by the end of the day I get tired, moody, dizzy, etc again.

Even a slightly negative news article or conversation on the internet can use up my gas and make my emotions feel like dirty bath water.

I'm trying to stay away from all of that.

Tonight is the second time I am halving the dose of the temporary meds, so I should be off of that in the near future.

A friend of mine told me that acupuncture worked for her for waking up in the night and anxiety. Luckily, my insurance covers most of it, there is practitioner a mile from my home with a good reputation, and she was weekend/evening hours.

Once I step off the drug I will try that out for a while and go back to my herbalists tea blend.

There are more things I could say, but being a public place I will wait.

I've had some interesting and distressing experiences and I've regained some valuable things I lost with the insomnia so I am on the mend.

I don't expect to ever by 100% over his demise, but there are some silver linings coming out of it and my insomnia.

Now, I just need to physically recover.
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"Violent opining on a bdsm board has solved surprisingly few geopolitical issues."

- Ms. Regan Black

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