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#4427 - 03/24/15 05:28 PM Would you still be kinky if it wasn't taboo?
KinkDoctor Offline



Registered: 11/05/12
Posts: 75
Loc: Manhattan
Hello K/kinksters and F/fetishists!

Welcome to the new board. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Alex (aka MistressAlexNYC), former ProDomme in the NYC scene for the better part of the last decade, current alternative lifestyle therapist, licensed by NYS for practice.

So, LOTS of changes, I know, but some things haven't and will never change: my lifestyle involvement in the scene; my desire to remain in contact with and support the Pro scene; and my absolute fascination with talking about sex and kink and all of the overlapping and compartmentalized permutations in and around sexuality and gender.

SO, let's think kink!

First question: Would you still be kinky if it wasn't taboo?

I know, I know, you've heard and talked about this question forever, but let's see how deep we can get into a de/re/co-construction of the subject.
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#4429 - 03/24/15 07:28 PM Re: Would you still be kinky if it wasn't taboo? [Re: KinkDoctor]
Étienne Offline


Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 250
Loc: San Diego, CA
Yes.

I'm not entirely free of conditioning and taboo, but I was raised in a superstition-free household that was not soaked in shame and guilt. As a result, I don't feel any great sense of violating taboos when I play.

Furthermore, my play tends to be much more about "radical compliance" than any sort of transgressive behavior.

The only taboo I can think of that has a significant role is that I will sometimes do things that aren't clean--licking dirty feet, for example. A part of the frisson to that is indeed from breaking the taboo, I think, but the power dynamic and the physical sensations are more important to me.

Respectfully,

Étienne

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#4430 - 03/26/15 09:12 AM Re: Would you still be kinky if it wasn't taboo? [Re: KinkDoctor]
KinkDoctor Offline



Registered: 11/05/12
Posts: 75
Loc: Manhattan
I like the way you think about things, Étienne. The way you feel about your orientation with kink seems rooted in a strong sense of who you are as an individual. Not that people who enjoy playing with what they consider to be taboo can't also be secure in their kink-orientation, it's just a different style of play.

I was thinking about a question I read on another website's forum that asked if the "mainstreaming" of kink would help or hinder the BDSM community. The question can be thought of in different ways, such as whether an influx of kink-curious people in the scene would change the way more seasoned players interact with the scene, though it also reminded me of the way that some kinksters specifically get off on BDSM being considered as taboo by society at large. My view is that I'm not really sure that kink is more popular now than it has been in the past, but that it is certainly becoming more visible for obvious reasons. While the visibility doesn't always cast BDSM in a positive light and often times focuses on pathologizing stereotypes, it opens up conversations that clarify healthy ways of interacting. I also don't think that heightened awareness of BDSM in mainstream will really take anything away from those who prefer to push the boundaries of taboo. Kink-orientation will always be a sexual minority, which means it will always retain a certain edge of excitement that appeals to those who like the idea of interacting in ways that the majority doesn't identify with. And I think there can be a very real and important sense of liberation in playing in those dark and blurry borders of what is considered "acceptable sexual interaction."
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#4438 - 03/28/15 01:55 PM Re: Would you still be kinky if it wasn't taboo? [Re: KinkDoctor]
moon Offline


Registered: 03/27/15
Posts: 5
Loc: New York, Earth, Milky Way Gal...
Absolutely!

I was doing "kinky" things long before I knew they were "kinky."

When I was a child I rolled myself up in a blanket so that I couldn't get out (easily). I was doing self-bondage at age ten and thought I was the only one doing it, so I kept such activity to myself.

I've always found bondage comforting, meditative and therapeutic.

I really wish more people were into experimenting with their senses and am surprised that most aren't. It's so lovely.

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#4440 - 03/29/15 10:28 AM Re: Would you still be kinky if it wasn't taboo? [Re: moon]
KinkDoctor Offline



Registered: 11/05/12
Posts: 75
Loc: Manhattan
I couldn't agree more that kink can be more than just a way to get off, but can also be therapeutic in different ways. For example, I researched and wrote an article with a colleague a couple of years ago about the therapeutic benefits of subspace, which led to the conclusion that achieving an altered state of consciousness in the context of a BDSM scene can lead to a reduction of stress and bonding with partners, among other benefits depending on the individual. At the very least, simply the act of exploring your kinky desires in a safe space with someone who shares your preferences can be therapeutic because of the relief that comes from being able to expose that part of your sexual identity that often has to remain hidden in other contexts.

I thnk a lot of people get stuck on trying to figure out why they are the way they are, where their kink came from, why they like to do the things they like to do. I don't get this sense from you, it sounds like you appreciate your predisposition for kink at face value, which is a really lucky way to be. Sometimes fixating on the why of kinkiness can keep you from finding out your true nature and what your deepest desires are. Not that it isn't interesting to explore the why, as long as you're okay with the what, how, and who, but there isn't always an answer to the why. I had a similar experience in discovering my own kink-orientation, in that I learned after the fact that some of the things I was doing with partners was actually kinky. Once I had that realization, I was able to follow my desires in an expansion and exploration of kink and my orientation as a dominant top. But a lot of people discover their kinkiness much later in life, or know they're kinky for a long time before they feel comfortable or ready to begin exploring. The bottom line is there's no right way to be kinky—other than to do it consensually and safely of course.

Thanks for chiming in!
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#4548 - 05/30/15 10:49 AM Re: Would you still be kinky if it wasn't taboo? [Re: KinkDoctor]
Ms Regan Black Offline
www.MsReganBlack.com


Registered: 10/29/12
Posts: 812
Loc: New York City / Buffalo

Hello, KD-

I've thought about this a lot.

I had particular leanings and interests since my younger years, but didn't know it was an actual 'thing' until my mid-late twenties, when I was introduced to the scene by a then friend who worked at a dungeon (the one where you were, actually, when it was in a different location). She said I seemed 'well suited.' I started answering phones, then managing - because I have to control everything ;-) - at another dungeon. While it was not the ideal work environment, being there showed me that there were other people like me and also gave me the opportunity to learn new things... and meet some great women.

That being said, in my vanilla life, I have always been a bit of an outlier, in dress, social issues, activities, politics, music, etc. Would I have taken that first step and applied at the dungeon if it weren't such and underground / taboo thing to do? Honestly, probably not. Fortunately, it was and I did.

I wish the scene and kinkiness in general weren't so taboo. It sucks having to separate out parts of my life when it is so much healthier to be able to integrate them. Plus, I could add so many more skills and experiences to my resume'! :-|

-MRB
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#4551 - 05/30/15 05:31 PM Re: Would you still be kinky if it wasn't taboo? [Re: Ms Regan Black]
KinkDoctor Offline



Registered: 11/05/12
Posts: 75
Loc: Manhattan
Outlier! I don't even know 'er! Seriously though...

Originally Posted By: Ms Regan Black
I wish the scene and kinkiness in general weren't so taboo. It sucks having to separate out parts of my life when it is so much healthier to be able to integrate them. Plus, I could add so many more skills and experiences to my resume'! :-|


Working on it! Hopefully in the not so distant future being kinky will be socially accepted to the extent that disclosure is a personal choice that's not so threatening and risk laden. Having said that, it's certainly saving lots of trees from all those extra resume pages!
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