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#4599 - 06/07/15 10:15 PM Being a Regular Client
gspread Offline


Registered: 06/06/15
Posts: 1
Loc: West
Ive been reading these forums for years and never posted but had a question so here goes..

After 14 years of seeing different mistres none more than once, 6 months ago i met a Domme who i am now seeing on a regular basis (about every 2-3 weeks) and having a blast. I have been able to do sessions with her that i never thought possible and always have a smile on my face (except during a session laugh.)

In addition to leaving some nice tips I have been sending gifts and money over to her in between sessions. These orginally started out as fetish gifts (boots and fetish wear etc.) but as we have seen each other more she has shared some of her personal life and i have bought some gifts to support that as well.

This isn't financial domiation and i am not being taken advantage of. I am 35 years and very lucky to be in a financial situation where i can comfortably afford this type of lifestyle. Because she makes me happy i want to get her these things.

However I have never had this type of relationship in my fetish life and I am scared that she will view this attention from me as being needy and push me away. To be fair i havent recieved any bad feedback from her and i am always careful to keep the relationship between us professional.

How have the dommes or the subs on this site handled these types of relationships? Should i back off? see her less? send her less? Or just keep doing what i am doing and stop worrying?

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#4600 - 06/07/15 11:31 PM Re: Being a Regular Client [Re: gspread]
Étienne Offline


Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 250
Loc: San Diego, CA
Speaking as a fellow boy who gives gifts: good on you, and keep doing it. It is lovely to be able to express appreciation, isn't it?

My suggestions:

- Money and gift cards are the best gifts.
- If you occasionally want to send a thing, send one from her wish list. If she doesn't have one, respectfully ask her to create one for boys, including you, to use.
- Don't just buy things for her to wear for you or use on you. Think about her needs and wants.
- NEVER think your gifts entitle you to ANY special consideration. Expectations include: Discounts (NEVER NEVER NEVER), extra session time, excess correspondence, extra privilege during sessions, have the gift worn for/used on you, etc. A gift with an expectation attached is not a gift.

Étienne

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#4601 - 06/07/15 11:56 PM Re: Being a Regular Client [Re: gspread]
Hudson Offline


Registered: 05/28/14
Posts: 31
Loc: San Jose, CA, USA
Originally Posted By: gspread


How have the dommes or the subs on this site handled these types of relationships? Should i back off? see her less? send her less? Or just keep doing what i am doing and stop worrying?


My solution to these types of problems probably falls under the category of: That's so crazy, it just might work!

When I'm not sure how she'll take my gestures of affection and devotion, I just ask her. Am I texting too often? Is it okay to get you gifts? Is it okay for the gifts to be romantic or personal, or should we keep to sexy dominatrix clothes and whatever is on your wish list? I've gone all the way to: can I tell you I love you?

Presumably, you picked her as your first regular mistress ever, because you have a connection with her. She may well feel that connection too, so there's absolutely no reason to sit and guess about whether you're making her uncomfortable, or on the other hand, guess that you should dial it back (and potentially leave her wondering what she did wrong when she notices you withdrawing). Just talk to her. In fact, if you talk to her about things, you might find that there might have been something that made her a little uncomfortable, but the mere fact that you showed the concern and self-awareness to communicate with her about it, allays her concern.

In short, no drama, no complexity, keep things easy between you, just talk.


Edited by Hudson (06/07/15 11:58 PM)

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#4602 - 06/08/15 07:33 PM Re: Being a Regular Client [Re: gspread]
Ms Regan Black Offline
www.MsReganBlack.com


Registered: 10/29/12
Posts: 819
Loc: New York City / Buffalo

Hello, gspread-

Welcome. Thank you for an interesting first post.

You have received good advice here. Etienne is wise in this area; I suggest following what he has to say. Hudson also makes a great point- if you unsure as to your behavior in the relationship, ask her. That's much better than guessing or assuming.

-MRB
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#4603 - 06/08/15 07:42 PM Re: Being a Regular Client [Re: Étienne]
Ms Regan Black Offline
www.MsReganBlack.com


Registered: 10/29/12
Posts: 819
Loc: New York City / Buffalo

Hi, Etienne-

When I cleaned my desk last week, I found the stack of birthday thank you cards I never mailed. I apologize and hope you are only 10% as perturbed as my mother at not receiving a thank you card. I am making new ones, so you should have in two short months. :-o

-MRB
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#4607 - 06/09/15 10:07 AM Re: Being a Regular Client [Re: Ms Regan Black]
Étienne Offline


Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 250
Loc: San Diego, CA
I am not perturbed at all, Ma'am; so long as you are pleased, I am happy.

Respectfully,

Étienne

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#4769 - 12/19/15 04:00 PM Re: Being a Regular Client [Re: gspread]
Hudson Offline


Registered: 05/28/14
Posts: 31
Loc: San Jose, CA, USA
Quote:
However I have never had this type of relationship in my fetish life and I am scared that she will view this attention from me as being needy and push me away. To be fair i havent recieved any bad feedback from her and i am always careful to keep the relationship between us professional.


Alas, one post and he never came back. Interested in knowing how it's worked out.

I totally get the concern, as a client, not be seen as needy or entitled. On the other hand, some relationships have the potential to blossom and evolve into new things, and too much concern about being needy will totally retard that. My relationship with my mistress went from strictly professional, to a bit over a year later, me being her personal slave and in her life as a friend and confidante on a daily basis. It never would have gotten there if I'd artificially stopped the relationship from growing out of concern that she might perceive me as needy or that I wasn't keeping things professional between us. Maybe the trick is figuring out exactly when to stop keeping things professional smile

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