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#554 - 02/11/13 11:10 PM Familiarity A Core Ingredient Of Good D/s?
Soapy Offline


Registered: 02/04/13
Posts: 433
Loc: USA,USA
I wasn't sure what board to put this post on, so please feel free to move it.

A few times I have had women speak to me in just a certain way, with the just right gravatas and some other things I have never been able to identify to make it a very stimulating D/s moment for me.

Not just a sexual titilation, which was a small part, but a deep psychological titilation.

That feeling was never duplicated for me in a session, though my session have been very fun in other ways. I mean, I chose to be there, the session was roughly negotiated. I was willing to do what was told to me, so an emphasis on the D and the s, sometimes, briefly felt like simon says. Nothing deeply disturbing like those other brief encounters I mentioned.

For a long time I thought the missing ingredient would be a real relationship and one beyond just BDSM to make the D/s feel deep.

However, in those brief encounters I had I really didn't know the women either.

So, what do you think is necessary to make a deep feeling of D/s happen?
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#589 - 02/12/13 11:38 PM Re: Familiarity A Core Ingredient Of Good D/s? [Re: Soapy]
…tienne Offline


Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 250
Loc: San Diego, CA
I know the feeling of the odd encounter that is very exciting.

If you meet enough people, sooner or later one of them is bound to hit a single perfect note, but a session is a single chance for the two of you to play a concerto together. That's a lot harder.

I don't think a relationship is necessary; I've had wonderful sessions with Ladies I did not yet know. However, I no longer session with Ladies I do not know; instead, I get to know them on forums like this, or fetlife, or email, or even (gasp) real life. Then I session with the ones who are able, just with their words, to stir my submissive side. I do count that as a relationship, however.

In sum, my opinion is that a relationship is not necessary, but certainly improves the odds if it reveals a level of compatibility before the in-person meeting.


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#660 - 02/16/13 09:55 AM Re: Familiarity A Core Ingredient Of Good D/s? [Re: …tienne]
Soapy Offline


Registered: 02/04/13
Posts: 433
Loc: USA,USA
You brought up an interesting point. Just because I had one D/s moment in passing with a particular woman doesn't mean that feeling would be sustained if we went off someplace and spent time together.
_________________________
"Violent opining on a bdsm board has solved surprisingly few geopolitical issues."

- Ms. Regan Black

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#672 - 02/16/13 01:30 PM Re: Familiarity A Core Ingredient Of Good D/s? [Re: Soapy]
Jeeves Offline


Registered: 01/24/13
Posts: 86
Loc: London England
Being a Shy person at heart I prefer to feel connected to a play partner in some way, being at least a friend.
I'm more relaxed that way.

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#810 - 02/20/13 01:29 AM Re: Familiarity A Core Ingredient Of Good D/s? [Re: Soapy]
CBTwhore Offline


Registered: 01/12/13
Posts: 62
Loc: CA
I also think you can have nice d/s sessions with Ladies that you don't know but I prefer having more of a connection. For Her to know me and what buttons to push makes it so much more meaningful and enjoyable.
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#1250 - 03/13/13 08:37 AM Re: Familiarity A Core Ingredient Of Good D/s? [Re: Soapy]
Foghorn Leghorn Offline


Registered: 03/09/13
Posts: 23
Loc: The hills
Insightful post and this feeling you're looking for has been difficult for me to 'find' in session as well. Looking back, when I have found it, the recipe for success seems to vary quite a bit.

I don't think familiarity has much to do with it (for me). Quite the opposite in fact, I think it has the potential to make it more difficult to find what you're looking for.

Thinking about it as I write, regardless of familiarity or not, the domme that has the intuition of knowing what your limit is and push you 5% beyond is a sure bet for me to reach what you call a 'deep psychological titilation'.

Miss Tess has me wrapped around her beautiful finger this way. She is sweet and friendly and then she'll say something like, 'I am going to scar you the next time I have my hands on you'. As Louca says, 'whoa baby', that makes my heart race a bit faster and my feathers swoon.
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#4505 - 05/18/15 12:14 PM Re: Familiarity A Core Ingredient Of Good D/s? [Re: Soapy]
MissSpicy Offline


Registered: 03/25/14
Posts: 23
Loc: LA and Paris
You really should be networking with people who are driven by the same needs/wants you have. Finding someone who understands a FLR and has had an active relationship that will help you learn your place. Try Femdoming.com see if you can find your match on there. I have linked with a few slaves thru there.
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miss Spicy

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